I had 2 weeks(ish) away from knitting due to volunteer work. I didn't miss it for most of the time, and felt a tiny bit guilty towards the end and thought about what I was going to work on. It felt decidedly weird, but adult. I knew I was going to knit again no matter what happened and for a change, let myself not feel wretchedly guilty.
But within that time, I have had this small epiphany: I'm really, really, totally, honestly, truly wholeheartedly allowed to not feel guilty or bad for something that I can't do anything about - or even just because I don't want to feel guilty - today. I've known for a long while that it was true, but my brain wouldn't let me believe it or let me act on it. So much FUN.
You see, I've spent far too many years feeling like hell (sort of permanently apprehensive) because of my childhood and teenage years. Not because any of it was my direct fault - far from it, but because most of that time was spent in apprehension about how my Mother was going to behave every day (I had an ulcer from 12 to 18, so joyful). This feeling was so indoctrinated from an early age, that I didn't know it was supposed to be any different, so I carried it along with me, even after I was 23 (she died a few weeks before my 24th birthday). I suppose you could call it the mental equivalent of a habit. I got thoroughly sick and tired of it in my 30's, when I knew that a lot of my "misery" was partially self-generated, finding things to be "worried" and "anxious" about, since my psyche felt oddly "unused" if I wasn't worried about something. I was in my early 40's when I finally made a concerted effort to quit the "mental torture gymnastics" when one or two nights (not consecutive) were spent in tears trying to shut up the paranoid "voices" in my head.
- I have no diagnosis or previous activities of DPD (dissociative personality disorder) and those two nights felt like I was going insane.
I had no idea of whether my efforts were working until these last couple weeks-ish.
The following things last week tell me that they are: I had a friend brush me off and it only irritated me for a couple hours (normally I'd take it to heart and I'd analyse it to death, dig it up and analyse it some more for a few days). I could sleep without needing to go through my regular routine of relaxation. I turned the TV off so I had a quiet room to sleep in.
Now for most people, these things aren't anything to think about, but for me, it's pretty darn great. I'm hoping that I can keep it going even when I'm tired. That will be a true sign of success....
As for the knitting, well, I bought a set of Addi interchangable lace needles (short tips). I'm SO happy. I've decided that the first project I'm going to knit on them (after I've finished a project) is going to be a Muir shawl/stole with Angel 2ply yarn and delica beads as accents. Yum. Again, SO happy. I've wanted to knit this for over a year. WHEE!
I'm off. I have a stole (Raspberry Dream Stole by Dagmara) to finish up a repeat on (4 rows to complete a repeat of 34 rows - 17 pattern rows, 17 purl). There's another ball of yarn to go (hopefully I'll get another 3 repeats out of it), but it is a joy to knit. Mmmm.
Later
31 August 2012
12 August 2012
Yay and Blah....
I've finished the two pieces I put in for the Ravellenics.
Growing Leaves Shawl #1
and
Yoga Cardigan.
Before I start, I'm running on 2 hours sleep - I just could not get to sleep last night. I couldn't do much of anything except look at the TV most of the night. Very frustrating. *bah*. I finished off the last seam under the left arm this morning feeling like fog was creeping in my head.
The title is, well, while I wasn't keeping either item, I did like the way the shawl turned out.
The sweater, on the other hand. . .
As I was finishing off each seam and then knitting up the second half of the neckband/waist tie, I started disliking it more and more. I "knew" it wasn't a good garment. I'm a sewer first. I started out by hand sewing items (I made a dress by hand when I was 8, and while it looked like a Frankenstein's Monster dress, it did work) and eventually graduated to a sewing machine in my teens. Over the years, I became good.
Anyway, I knew the blocked pieces were ok, but even as I turned the sweater back and forth and in and out during the seaming, I thought it wasn't working. They weren't sitting right (yes, I am a bit of a perfectionist). But, at the same time, I was going to give it a second chance by re-washing it (I've got to "lock-in" all those sewn-in ends) and then blocking it by pinning it to my dress form. I am hoping it works, really I am. if not, I'll felt it and turn it into a cushion (I'll knit up a filler panel for the neck and sew everything in place except the bottom seam (zip goes there) and sew up a cushion to insert into it. I can't send out a (possible) substandard garment, really I can't.
Now - I am brain fogged right now. I do know that the sweater needs re-blocking. But tomorrow (or the next day), after I get enough sleep to function (thank goodness it's the weekend), I might look at the sweater with a kinder eye.
I hope so. The yarn is so soft and has the nicest halo.
Until next week(end).
Growing Leaves Shawl #1
and
Yoga Cardigan.
Before I start, I'm running on 2 hours sleep - I just could not get to sleep last night. I couldn't do much of anything except look at the TV most of the night. Very frustrating. *bah*. I finished off the last seam under the left arm this morning feeling like fog was creeping in my head.
The title is, well, while I wasn't keeping either item, I did like the way the shawl turned out.
The sweater, on the other hand. . .
As I was finishing off each seam and then knitting up the second half of the neckband/waist tie, I started disliking it more and more. I "knew" it wasn't a good garment. I'm a sewer first. I started out by hand sewing items (I made a dress by hand when I was 8, and while it looked like a Frankenstein's Monster dress, it did work) and eventually graduated to a sewing machine in my teens. Over the years, I became good.
Anyway, I knew the blocked pieces were ok, but even as I turned the sweater back and forth and in and out during the seaming, I thought it wasn't working. They weren't sitting right (yes, I am a bit of a perfectionist). But, at the same time, I was going to give it a second chance by re-washing it (I've got to "lock-in" all those sewn-in ends) and then blocking it by pinning it to my dress form. I am hoping it works, really I am. if not, I'll felt it and turn it into a cushion (I'll knit up a filler panel for the neck and sew everything in place except the bottom seam (zip goes there) and sew up a cushion to insert into it. I can't send out a (possible) substandard garment, really I can't.
Now - I am brain fogged right now. I do know that the sweater needs re-blocking. But tomorrow (or the next day), after I get enough sleep to function (thank goodness it's the weekend), I might look at the sweater with a kinder eye.
I hope so. The yarn is so soft and has the nicest halo.
Until next week(end).
09 August 2012
Watching the Olympics and Knitting...
I've been enjoying the Olympics, watching Archery and Fencing, Equestrian Dressage, individual Artistic Gymnastics (the regulation team events with set routines get boring fast), and occasional other events.
I saw the beach volleyball in Beijing and I was bewildered by the clothing mis-standards (odd word, but bear with me). The men get to wear beach shorts and long baggy vests. The women wear a heavy tan and a tight bikini. Why? If it's a matter of comfort, why aren't the men topless? If the IOC are concerned with equality, why don't the women get to wear long vest tops (with built in brassiere) and beach shorts? In many other sports the women dress similarly to the men (I'm not including gymnastics - it's irrelevant, but, I would like to see the option of the women using track-suit bottoms during competition). Ok, I'm done. I had to say something. It's been bothering me.
I've been knitting and sewing during the Olympics. I signed up for theravelympics (bad, bad USOC) ravellenic games. I entered a shawl (Growing Leaves #1) and a wrap-sweater (Yoga Cardigan) into WIPS wrestling. They're both unfinished projects I hadn't worked on since last year, and they needed to be finished. I've finished the shawl, and have put in the entries and form for a "medal" (yes, that I thought I wouldn't get) and am still trying to finish the sweater. It needs seaming and the other half of the front edging/tie to be done. I'm still struggling with the seaming. It's not difficult, but it's tedious. After it's finished, I'm debating on whether I'm giving both items away.
I knitted the sweater for me, but it's way too small (I have to be realistic, I'm not going to lose the required weight this year or the next *sigh*), and I'm not in love with the shawl. The problem is that I know they need a bit of special care (blocking after every wash) and the average person won't know how/won't want to do that.
It annoys me - not because the items won't be cared for - but the fact I'm caring quite so much. Once they're out of my hands, and I send them off with appropriate labelling (which they'll get) it's not my concern anymore. But I do care, and that's just me.
We'll see what happens.
Since the last entry, I've bought all the yarn talked about, with a couple changes. There's enough for three mistake shawls. I bought two lots of dark purple yarn from Deramores: 12 balls of Wendy (Merino (chunky)) and 10 balls of King Cole (Merino Blend (chunky)), and then took myself (and my Dad) off by train to Texere Yarns and bought 7 100g balls of their own Chunky wool in claret (dark red). I'm not sure which set I'll use, but I'll be happy with the colour no matter what.
Whilst at Texere, I also bought yarn for another project (funchal mobius cowl, by Kate Davies), and I finally caved and bought a ball winder, as the thought of winding up another 100g skein of lace yarn by hand makes my shoulders scream.
I'm planning on going to either John Lewis in the Trafford Centre (by Tram and bus, because I can), or, Up Country near Wakefield (by car, because it's really the only option), to check out some Rowan Creative Linen yarn. It's to make a sweater (Sorrel, from The Knitter Magazine, Issue 44). I do like using the required yarn if possible. I have the chance to buy the yarn online for a 10% discount, but, I'm picky about texture and colours and I don't want to buy yarn I'm possibly going to hate. Yes, it seems like a lot of work for 8 balls of yarn, but that's the way I float.
Unfortunately, right now I'm delaying (it does seem like a lot of work for 8 balls of yarn), but all will be resolved eventually (at least before the end of the month).
Anyway. I'm still without my netbook, though it's hard drive is out and being copied (very slowly) and we'll see what happens - my Dad is under the delusion that the extended warranty is still in effect, even though I told him it wouldn't be, I now just have to persuade him that it will be cost effective to get it fixed (if it can be).
Let's see what happens. . .
Later
I saw the beach volleyball in Beijing and I was bewildered by the clothing mis-standards (odd word, but bear with me). The men get to wear beach shorts and long baggy vests. The women wear a heavy tan and a tight bikini. Why? If it's a matter of comfort, why aren't the men topless? If the IOC are concerned with equality, why don't the women get to wear long vest tops (with built in brassiere) and beach shorts? In many other sports the women dress similarly to the men (I'm not including gymnastics - it's irrelevant, but, I would like to see the option of the women using track-suit bottoms during competition). Ok, I'm done. I had to say something. It's been bothering me.
I've been knitting and sewing during the Olympics. I signed up for the
I knitted the sweater for me, but it's way too small (I have to be realistic, I'm not going to lose the required weight this year or the next *sigh*), and I'm not in love with the shawl. The problem is that I know they need a bit of special care (blocking after every wash) and the average person won't know how/won't want to do that.
It annoys me - not because the items won't be cared for - but the fact I'm caring quite so much. Once they're out of my hands, and I send them off with appropriate labelling (which they'll get) it's not my concern anymore. But I do care, and that's just me.
We'll see what happens.
Since the last entry, I've bought all the yarn talked about, with a couple changes. There's enough for three mistake shawls. I bought two lots of dark purple yarn from Deramores: 12 balls of Wendy (Merino (chunky)) and 10 balls of King Cole (Merino Blend (chunky)), and then took myself (and my Dad) off by train to Texere Yarns and bought 7 100g balls of their own Chunky wool in claret (dark red). I'm not sure which set I'll use, but I'll be happy with the colour no matter what.
Whilst at Texere, I also bought yarn for another project (funchal mobius cowl, by Kate Davies), and I finally caved and bought a ball winder, as the thought of winding up another 100g skein of lace yarn by hand makes my shoulders scream.
I'm planning on going to either John Lewis in the Trafford Centre (by Tram and bus, because I can), or, Up Country near Wakefield (by car, because it's really the only option), to check out some Rowan Creative Linen yarn. It's to make a sweater (Sorrel, from The Knitter Magazine, Issue 44). I do like using the required yarn if possible. I have the chance to buy the yarn online for a 10% discount, but, I'm picky about texture and colours and I don't want to buy yarn I'm possibly going to hate. Yes, it seems like a lot of work for 8 balls of yarn, but that's the way I float.
Unfortunately, right now I'm delaying (it does seem like a lot of work for 8 balls of yarn), but all will be resolved eventually (at least before the end of the month).
Anyway. I'm still without my netbook, though it's hard drive is out and being copied (very slowly) and we'll see what happens - my Dad is under the delusion that the extended warranty is still in effect, even though I told him it wouldn't be, I now just have to persuade him that it will be cost effective to get it fixed (if it can be).
Let's see what happens. . .
Later
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